yes. definitely the worst day of my life.
the flight was 7hrs, i cried for 4 and a half. in the past few days i have eaten very little, slept even less, and bawled my eyes out. i am dehydrated. i'm still on England time in a way, and i have no appetite. i didn't even eat the double chocolate muffin on the plane.
leaving Chris... i won't even go into that, suffice to say that i've made a vow never to do this to us again. with every mile that the plane flew away from England, i felt like a piece of my heart was breaking. i spent most of the flight staring out the window, shaking my head. every fibre of my being was screaming at me - i was doing the wrong thing.
landing, no one was there to pick me up. i still had tears streaming down my face as i collected my luggage, but they dried up by the time my family came. the drive home was excruciating. my house has changed so much since i've been away, but otherwise - it feels like i've travelled backwards in time. i'm not supposed to be here. the contents of my room have been transferred to the basement. i can't even begin to empty my suitcases. i just feel numb.
i am putting all my efforts into finding a way back.

this is the last entry in this journal. i'll be returning to my old one now. thanks for sticking with me, kids. xx

in conclusion

less than an hour till go time. i'm nauseous and sleep-deprived and frankly, amazed i made it till now. (not like there was much sleep but) this is the beginning of the worst day of my life.
goodbye England, keeper of my heart! i will be back as soon as possible.
  • Current Mood
    crushed devastated
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off to dinner in a sec. a real dinner this time too, haha. should be absolutely scrumptious. and with the best company in the world! i haven't been dumb enough to put make-up on again, but i am determined that i will not cry. how appropriate is it that we spend our last night together in a curryhouse? yay.


all day i'm packing. all day. and when do i spontaneously burst into tears? when i'm packing up my jewellery. i've picked up so much (too much? no!) while i've been here, and every piece tells a story. i just don't want to go, guys. is that so bad? i don't want to go back to Canada. i don't want summer.

keeping busy is key

busy as a bee. all my make-up is getting packed up. there's no sense in even applying it anymore. it was absolute torture, rolling out of bed this morning. how do i face the world? yet it's such a sunny, warm day.
this time tomorrow, my plane will be taking off. i can't even think about it.


it's not happening. i can't do it. i won't do it. i don't want to go.
they just made it 100x harder to leave them all. i love them to pieces, i really do. never had friends like it. am ridiculously emotional at the moment! it's beyond words. they're too lovely.


it is pouring rain.
we've been having a heatwave for over a week, and dying without air conditioning or cloud coverage, and now... on the day everyone's supposed to be moving into their houses... this morning it was dark grey and gloomy outside, and been threatening rain the whole morning. there was fantastic thundering and everyone was anticipating the downfall. and BOOM mad rain. mad mad rain. the poor ducks! it's gorgeous and refreshing and everyone's got grins and the thunder is banging and it is absolutely delightful. and oh god - soaking wet Anthony has just come in, ahaha. the ducks are splashing and quacking and being adorable. the lake looks incredible too. i love it! the rain and the grins and the tears and the emotion of this weekend - just flowing out. we've been waiting and waiting for this and now that the monsoon is here (eek, the loo has flooded) it's absolutely wonderful. and there are kids dancing in the rain. no jokes. it's that amazing. i never, never want to leave.
(in case you hadn't noticed, these last few days will contain few proper entries, and many more sporadic oh my god moments. there's too much passion!)


Chris's house

oh. my. GOD. i am jealous. i mean, aside from the obvious (that i won't have them as housemates) their house is incredible.
in England, it's quite common for second-years and up to move out into student houses. they have student real estate agencies helping them, and most have competitive rates, and student-oriented perks. basically, all of my friends' houses sound amazing. i wish life were this nice in Toronto.
anyway, more specifically, the Button-Simpson-Harrington-Pitt dream house is great because:
- stained glass window
- alarm security system
- new fridge/stove/flatscreen tv
- wooden floors in the kitchen/living room
- all new cupboards, shelves, bin, sink, everything in the kitchen
- free vaccuum
- front-loading washing machine
- dual flush toilet
- built in closets
- new computer desks
- massive windows in the front
- garage for storage
- big front yard, to-be garden
- new carpet in all the bedrooms
- completely renovated bathroom and kitchen/living space
- comfy new leather furniture
- emerald green front door (i do love it)
- a ten minute walk away from campus
- a two minute walk away from Chinese takeaway, cafe, and grocery store
- four brand new double beds
- new real wooden chests and cupboards in rooms
- i think it's funny that they put flatscreen mounts in each room, as if students have that kind of money!
- big mirrors in clever locations
- free mop and broom
seriously. and they're paying a teensy bit above the average price per week per student in York. (which is, incidentally, about the same amount that i'll be paying next year.) have definitely hit the jackpot. crazy crazy jealous! i'm looking forward to my apartment in Toronto, but in all likelihood, it'll be a tiny bit anticlimactic, haha. i have seen several student apartments, and none of them were that lush. am looking forward to my nice stay in February!
(also, it's quite freaky: the house is literally one road behind where my b&b was in October. i have come full circle.)

oh Lee

over the year, a common sight around C Block has been Lee with his posh cameras. he's been documenting student life in our corridor, and i just saw some of the evidence. there are about 80 black and white prints so far, and they're beautiful. they're not perfect or technical or special - but they are real. they are Cell Block. Emily, Jack, me, Chris - everyone. at a football game, eating in the kitchen, giving "death glares", haha. it's all there. and there is so much laughter. so, so much laughter. i'm trying to hold the tears back, because he's really done a great job. i can't wait to see the rest.
Anna's leaving in a few minutes, the first to go.